Thursday, June 23, 2011

Scotland, Scotland, Scotland!



I have been home for 18 days now, which is just enough time to begin wanting to move around again. Tomorrow, I am traveling to the great lands of Scotland to visit my sister who has been studying in Edinburgh this past year. Reuniting with my sister after six months will be glorious and touring her town with my dad will be amazing. Every Riven Thing and Anna Karenina are along for the ride. Let it begin. Also, I am bringing my sketchbook. My goal is to sketch most of my traveling in it with the addition of recording the same sights in picture form as well. I cannot wait to don my warm weather attire while drinking great coffee at the castle, drinking whiskey with Mary, going to the fibers exhibit, hiking Arthur's seat, listening to Bon Iver on the plane, talking about personalities and future plans with some of my fam, etc. In less than 24 hours, I will be on a plane in order to begin this adventure.

do not get stuck to the ground.

roots run deep.

but, sprouts reach towards yellow light.

-alison jean worman

Monday, June 20, 2011

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Confessions

"I cannot even discern whether I can see anything there below, in the bottomless abyss over which I am hanging and into which I am being drawn. My heart contracts and I feel terrified. It is dreadful to look down there. I feel that if I look down I will immediately slip from the last support and perish. I do not look, but not looking is still worse because I am thinking about what is going to happen to me when I slip from the last support. And I feel that I am losing my last bit of strength through terror, and that my back is slowly slipping lower and lower. Another moment and I will fall off. And then I have a thought: perhaps it is not real. It is a dream. I will wake up. I try to wake up and cannot. 'What can I do, what can I do?' I ask myself, looking upwards. Above there is also an abyss. I look into this abyss of sky and try to forget about the abyss below, and I do in fact forget it. The infinity below repels and frightens me; the infinity above attracts and reassures me. Thus I am hanging over the abyss, held up by the last of the supports that has not yet slipped out from under me; I know that I am dangling but I only look upwards and my fear passes away. As happens in a dream, a voice says: 'Take note of this, this is it!' I look further and further into the infinity above me and feel myself growing calmer. I remember everything that has happened and how it happened: how I shifted the position of my legs, how I was dangling there, how terrified I felt, and how I was saved from my terror by looking upwards. And I asked myself: 'Am I not still dangling there?' And I do not look around so much as feel with my whole body the edge of the support by which I am held up. I see that I am no longer dangling or falling but am firmly supported. I ask myself how I am being supported: I grope about, look around and see that beneath me, under the middle of my body, there is a single support and when I look up I am lying on it in a position of secure balance, and that it alone gave me support before. And then, as happens in dreams, the mechanism by which I am supported seems to me to be a very natural, comprehensible and sure thing, although when awake it makes no sense at all. I am even surprised, in my sleep, that I had not understood this before. It appears that there is a pillar at my head and the solidity of the slender pillar is beyond doubt, although there is nothing for it to stand on. A rope is hanging very ingeniously, yet simply, from the pillar, and if one lies with the middle of one's body on the rope and looks up there can be no question of falling. This was all clear to me and I was glad and tranquil. It was as if someone were saying to me: 'See that you remember.' And I woke up." -Tolstoy

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I am Frances and I like to run.


This thing is gonna be real real hard some days.
Some days, I will want to give up.

I can't give up. I've gotta keep on going.

Sometimes it will feel like I am blowing people by.

The more I work, the easier it will be.
I've got this.

I'll win that medal. Whether it be medal of the mind or the medal of reality, it doesn't matter.

With the summer beginning, I have made a vow to myself to blog more. It is a fact in my life that blogging comes last in my life. When school, friends, family, or food get to be too much, blogging gets put on the back burner. You know what? That is just the way things are. Here I am though, blogging away.

I want to say one thing before I say what I really want to say.

I LOVE MY SUMMER. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. EVERYTHING.

Now, I want to tell you about a big decision that was made last night. I'll give you the background story first (small fact really). Running used to be a big part of my life. It was a great way to spend time with friends and have time to myself. I was on a cross country team for a couple years and through that experience I built some of the greatest relationships I have and had some of the most fun experiences. It was just seven years ago I was sitting in a group on the first day at my new school when someone in an after school program asked me who I was and what I liked to do... I answered I am Frances and I like to run. There were snickers because the normal girls said they liked summer, hanging out with friends, bois (<3), tanning, and other things of the like... ANY WAY. I have always been proud of that one liner I gave. Every since tearing my ACL and being forced to quit sports, I have had the goal of running a half marathon on my inspirations/ goals board in my room. I have always said it is my distant goal, but it looks like that distance is much shorter than what I thought. Last night, Nancy Turtletaub, Lauren Delph, and I decided to do the half marathon on December 4, 2011. That gives us about 6 months to train and I couldn't be more scared or excited. I went out today for the first time in two and a half weeks to run and it didn't go so hot. BUT my mom always says at least you went. Thank you, mom, thank you. So that is that.

Congratulate me next time you see or hear from me. It is a big deal.